A. Many have walked this path before you and many have seen their spouse, over time, give their life to Jesus. When someone becomes a Christian, their enthusiasm can cause them to say and do things, with the best of intentions, that can alienate and offend those they love most. Rather than seeing Christ in their spouse, the unbelieving partners see someone who, before Christ, loved them the way they were but now will only really love them, as they see it, if they convert.
While being married to an unbelieving spouse can be a long and discouraging road, it doesn't have to be a lonely one. Get into a women's Bible study so you can be encouraged by other godly women, solicit their prayers on your behalf, and find a woman who can mentor you in this part of your journey. She can help you be more objective in finding ways to reflect and model Christ to your husband.
God has given you a unique opportunity to live as Christ to your husband. But also God has given you a profound laboratory to learn how to love your husband with the unconditional love that characterizes God's love for you. Scripture even gives you great hope in this area: "Wives … accept the authority of your husbands, even those who refuse to accept the Good News. Your godly lives will speak to them better than any words. They will be won over by watching your pure, godly behavior" (1 Peter 3:1-2, NLT).
Q. I worry that some of my family and friends will never accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. What can I do?
A: One of the most encouraging promises in the Word of God is "believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household" (Acts 16:31). This was the message spoken by Paul and Silas to the Philippian jailer as he cried out, "Sirs, what must I do to be saved?" The passage describes how the man and his household did believe and were saved. You can pray in confidence for your loved ones, knowing that the Lord is more concerned for them than you are and that He is willing to save them through faith in Jesus; read 1 Timothy 2:4, 2 Peter 3:9 and 1 John 5:14-15.
As you continue trusting God for the salvation of your loved ones, remember that you are in partnership with the Holy Spirit, and He is able to deal with them in ways you cannot. In the Old Testament, God says, "I am the Lord, the God of all mankind: Is anything too hard for me?" (Jeremiah 32:27). Don't give in to discouragement; instead, permit the life and love of our Lord Jesus Christ to be seen in you, for this in itself will be a tremendous testimony to members of your family and friends who are not believers in the Lord. Jesus said, "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven" (Matthew 5:16, NKJV).
Q: Does the Bible say that the husband is to be the head of the home?
A: The Bible teaches that the husband is the head of the home, but there is a considerable amount of misunderstanding over how that headship is to be expressed. While it is critically important that the husband shoulder the primary responsibility for leadership in the home—especially spiritual leadership—it is equally important that it be a leadership of love.
Mr. Graham has commented: "In Ephesians 5:23 it says that 'the husband is the head of the wife.' Now being the head does not imply superiority. But it means the role that you have in life. The Scripture says: 'Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church' (Ephesians 5:25, RSV). How did Christ love the church? He loved the church so much that He died on the cross for all of those who were going to become members of His body, the church, and He gave Himself up for the church that He might sanctify her and present her to Himself in splendor (see verses 26,27). Now headship is seen in His care of the church, His sacrificial love for the church, His desire for her to grow into the fullness of her splendor."
Ephesians 5:28 also says that "husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." So, once again, the emphasis of headship is not upon power or control, but upon love and care. Headship focuses on nurture and protection, not domination—on self-sacrifice, not selfish demands. For the wife, submission to this kind of servant leadership becomes a joy, not a burden.
Q: What can I do about the harsh and hurtful things my husband says to me?A: We can appreciate the frustration and pain you have experienced as a result of your husband's hurtful words. It is distressing to be on the receiving end of very cutting and abrupt comments which wound one's spirit. Some people, for reasons known only to themselves, often speak to others in this manner. Sometimes a harsh and insensitive attitude shields a person who himself has been wounded by the remarks of others. In any case, we can understand the problems you are having. Remember that God loves you, and you are important in His sight. He loves you so much that He sent Christ to die for your sins. As you focus on the fact that God loves you and considers you precious to Him, there will be a real difference in your life. Your sense of self-worth does not need to depend on the opinion of others.
Be sure you do not act toward your husband in the way he acts toward you. It is easy in a situation like yours to reply in kind. But that does not solve the problem—it only makes it worse. The Bible tells us, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1). It also says, "A wholesome tongue is a tree of life" (Proverbs 15:4). Affirm and support your loved one in your conversations. Your example may help him to learn to do the same for you. Read also Ephesians 4:29-32.
We would encourage you to find a time when you can speak frankly (and yet lovingly) with your husband. Perhaps he is not even aware you are hurt by the things he says, and although he may not be intentionally hurting you, he needs to be aware of your feelings. Communication is important in a good marriage, and you and your husband need to learn to share your concerns (as well as your joys) with each other. Read 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, and Ephesians 5:28-29. Many couples have found the counsel of a Gospel-teaching pastor or Christian marriage counselor to be helpful in strengthening relationships and improving communication skills.
We would urge both you and your husband to examine your relationship with Christ. Have you committed your lives to Christ? Are you seeking to follow Him? If not, make that commitment now, and learn the joy of having Christ at the center of your marriage. When a husband and wife are truly seeking to honor Christ, they will not want to hurt each other—quite the opposite, they will want to encourage each other. As you pray and learn from God's Word together, God will help both of you become the loving partners He wants you to be.
*(from Billy Graham's Web site www.bgea.org) The link presented is not an endorsement by the BGEA ministry of this site.